Do you ever get so caught up in what you "have to do" that you lose sight of what's really going on? I get like that quite a bit. It's as though I have tunnel vision for whatever I'm doing at the moment - like it's the most important thing going. If I'm at church then that's very important. "Man, I better be a good Christian!" When I was in the Navy, advancement and career objectives were very important. "I have to get that designation!" If we are visiting family then that's suddenly vitally important. "I have to keep in touch with everyone!" But worst of all, when I'm at work I have to excel at that. "I have to do a good job!"
It's as if I'm obsessive. OK, maybe I am... a little. And when I'm at work I feel as though I have to keep everyone happy, even if that means spending less time with my family. It's a curious thing, though, because eventually something inside me says, "Enough!" The more energy I put into work, the more and more I need rest from my labors and at some point my mind shuts down and my body forces me to take a break. It's as if the little man inside of me finally disagrees with what I think is most important at the time and he get's to focus on what he thinks is important for a while. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I don't know which), he likes not earning a living way more than I do. And he's winning a lot more here lately.
Lately I have been noticing more and more articles, emails, and news reels about people living a simpler life. I guess the little men inside them are winning too. I read an article just yesterday about a couple that live in a 400 square foot apartment and the wife has whittled her possessions down to 100 items. So that's probably overkill in my opinion but the results are to be envied. She is now a freelance writer, he is getting his PhD, they are now debt free and live happily on $24k a year. A YEAR! After emailing this article to a few people the same story pops up on the morning news. Hmmm... This thing is catching on.
Last month there was a very interesting article about a man who built a house in the back of a flat bed trailer. His electric bill is something like $100 a year and his bed is a bunk over his kitchen. And did you know that raising chickens and honey bees in your back yard is gaining popularity? There's even magazines and journals dedicated to simple/small living. Where have I been? Oh, yeah. I had my nose buried in the daily grind.
Don't get me wrong. The work isn't evil by definition - it's me that's the problem. If I'm obsessed with success and improving my status then the job is no longer the way I support my family and how I find accomplishment, it's the green-eyed monster that fuels materialism. That's not what I want for my children.
So now when I go home (which may be at 2:30 in the afternoon) I find myself relishing the idea of watering the garden, working around the house, and cleaning out the garage. Where did that come from? I mean, I've turned into every adult I never understood! After all, I've got high expectations for myself! I'm going places! Oh, yeah and I'll have my priorities straight too. I think a lot of people have that unreasonable expectation as well. After all, that's what we are taught in every Toyota or JC Penny commercial. You can be busy, successful, have it all, and still have time for a neat house, good family life and dinner at the table. Maybe I'm just not equipped to do all of that at the same time but more and more I think most of mankind is just not built to be this busy. How am I supposed to relax when I've been working long hours, pleasing others, meeting career goals, and then trying to make family magic happen at home? I'm wound up so tight by the end of the day I can't sleep! Chances are, most people are too. That's why the longing for the simple life is becoming more pervasive in our society.
THE SEARCH IS ON
So now I go into work when I finally get up in the morning. If I'm on a roll, I'll work until 7:00 or 8:00 pm but I'm just as likely (OK, more likely) to leave at 3:00. I used to end my day by logging off the office servers and going to bed. More and more, I end it by putting away whatever project I've been working on around the house. I find myself surfing the internet for the best dates to plant my Fall garden instead of keeping up to date at work. I recently came to the realization that it's OK if I don't make the kind of income I thought I would because it's not going to make me happy anyway. I'm looking for ways to get rid of clutter around the house and limit the stuff I bring into it. I want to sell the "cool" stuff I bought because I thought it's what I really wanted.
Now I want a back yard hammock. I want an herb garden and pecan trees. I want a crisp and clean existence. I want fresh tomatoes and watermelon. I want to read fiction for it's own sake. I want to meditate. I want to mountain bike. I want to sit by the water and soak up the sun. I want to watch my son play in the yard. I want to enjoy friends. I want to grill steaks and sip iced tea.
Now I understand what "decompression" is.
I'm looking for simplicity. I'm seeking contentment with what I have. I want to be a better quality me instead of have better quality stuff. I want to be seen as a happy person that's pleasant to be around instead of someone who has accomplished much. That's probably the most poignant realization of all for me. In my quest for happiness, I made myself unhappy. In my search for status, I've become less valuable. And all of it has made me a sour grump. Who wants to be around that person? So I've learned I need to be liked for who I am instead of what I have. I didn't know that's what I was doing to begin with.
It's like I'm performing surgery to separate Siamese twins. I'm carving the anxiety-ridden status seeker from the satisfied inner self. I just hope they aren't inseparably joined.
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