Talking Big Concepts to Little Brains

While putting my son to bed he became whiny and disrespectful to his mother because he didn't want to go to bed.  So he and I had a little talk and as we did, his mother left the room.  This is man talk.  

He must learn to control his desires and compulsions, even the strongest and most fundamental urges for security and belonging.  So he whines when he doesn't want to go to bed and be left alone in that dark room.  Suck it up, that's a necessary life lesson.  But when he becomes disrespectful and cranky to his mother because he is not getting his way, that's a whole different consideration and the root of a larger pattern of behavior that is dangerous.  But he's only three.  What large concepts can he possibly understand?  Well, he can certainly understand from my reaction and the talk that followed that his behavior was somehow unacceptable.  That suffices for now but he will grow into the concepts that I speak to him in hushed, close tones.  

"Son, you must respect and honor your mother.  You love her, don't you?"  

"Yes," comes the faint reply.  

"Then honor her.  You want Mamma to be happy, right?"  A small head nods.  

"Then respect her.  Do not behave in such a way that it is difficult on your mother."  

He needs to start to learn not be so selfish that she is pulled away from her other responsibilities.  Honor her.  Respect her.  I don't tell him all of this, but I do give repetition to the concepts of honor and respect.  

"Because the way that you treat your mother will grow into the way you view and treat other females in your life, from your teachers to your wife."  

His little brow is furrowed.  So I finish with love.  He is familiar with that word and is just beginning his understanding of that concept.  Love her.  Love her.

I know my boy's future behavior patterns are being conditioned now.  But he doesn't.  He has no clue what conditioning means, let alone loftier concepts like respect and honor.  But I still use those words.  Not to use them is a disservice to his growth and maturity.  How do I know it matters?

When I was growing up Dad would listen to talk radio in the truck.  So if I was riding with him, I was usually hearing WBAP out of Dallas.  It's signal carried over a large part of Texas during daylight hours.  Even though I disliked it then, I was becoming familiar with a few things.  The traffic reports were meaningless and boring.  I didn't live in Dallas so why in the world would I find congestion at the intersection of Belt Line and 30 intriguing in the least!?  I eventually moved to the Dallas area and found the highways to be a bit daunting, like most big cities.  But there was familiarity that I found astounding, comforting, and facilitated navigation of this area.  I already had heard of Belt Line Road.  I knew 820 existed.  Jupiter was a familiar roadway.  R. L. Thorton was old hat.  I felt I already knew these places, even having never traveled them.  That familiarity made it easy to learn and navigate. 

So when I talk to my son about loftier concepts, like respect and honor, I know he doesn't get it now, but over time he will become familiar with them.  And as I tie them into concepts he does know, they will become real and useful.  Because I say this now he will be better equipped to navigate life later.  

"Sometimes understanding can wait when obedience cannot."  - Robert Moss